Again, and again

A few weeks ago a friend shared with me that she stopped running.

“I hate it,” she said, “so why do I keep doing it over and over, day after day?”

Another friend shared the same thing with me. Running? Not a love thing for them so why do it?

I’ve thought about this a lot because for the past three years I have tried to get back into running. Sometimes I am very good about my “breaks”. I am patient and I ease back in gracefully then stop when my feet just don’t feel ready. There is too much pain and I fear what repercussions I will receive if I don’t stop, rest, and try again after I’ve done more to heal them.

I have added strength training into my life, acupuncture, and continue to stretch, ice and roll my feet out. I have set aside three weeks to run consistently and see what happens at the end of these three weeks. Could I manage the pain? Did the pain level stay below five? Could I still be the parent I want to be given adding running back into the mix?

I am going slow.

But why? Do people still run in their 80’s? 90’s? Is this an exercise I will bring back into my life only to watch it fade away again in a few years?

I read an article about the senior games where a woman in her 90’s still runs a few miles every other day.

“I love it,” she said, “it keeps me going and keeps me enjoying life.”

That’s the thing. I haven’t found something active I love as much as running. There’s biking, walking, swimming, and so much. But when it comes to cardio running sucked me in and despite my best efforts I cannot shake it.

I ran again today. The soft heel drop of my shoes fading beneath the music of Sia. If you saw me you would have noticed my smile. I can’t help it, running brings me joy.

Now, if only, I can keep going.

Maybe I’ll need new feet or maybe, just maybe, all the things I have been doing these past few years will finally see me through.