Always Someone New

I walked past a woman in the supermarket today and made a judgement about her. I put her in a box without her saying a word.

There’s no need to describe her. For once, my writing is better without going into description.

In a matter of seconds she did something that threw me. She stepped out of the box I’d snapped her into.

Humans make judgments as a manner of survival (okay, not you, you are the exception). Will this person kill me? Yes? No? Good, moving on. This person in a hoodie. This person in a dress with polka dots on it and green hair. Is this person safe?

We judge to understand. If they are parenting like that and their kids are behaving so well, should I parent like that? Man, if that lady looks like that maybe I should eat what she’s eating!

We judge for a variety of reasons we might not even be clear on.

I have tried to stop. I’ve yelled in my head, “she is not you!” I have been gentle with myself and murmured, “sweetheart, it doesn’t matter.” But the judgmental thoughts keep rolling in.

Then I encounter a moment like today. When someone I judged one way showed me, essentially, we are not always one way all the time.

Have I yelled at my children? Yes. Someone at the store might think I’m a rotten parent and may consider calling child services on me. Have I also showered them with kind words, love, food, shelter, and Disney World goodness? Also, yes.

Have I had days when I have inhaled a pan full of cookies and stumbled from too much wine? Absolutely, yes. But am I also someone who focuses on organic vegetables, tofu once a week, and moderation? Also, yes.

Put me in a box for an hour, a day, that moment you encounter me as you will, but I will jump into a new box in an hour. A day. A week.

We are not always and never. Most of us anyway – that believer in Big Foot I met one summer seemed fairly committed, but maybe even had moments when he shrugged it off and thought, nah, no way. We are sometimes and maybe.

I will keep making judgments, despite my best attempts not to. But each time I do I will remember moments like today, in the grocery store, when I was reminded of the variability humanity offers.

That is who she was five minutes ago. She was absolutely that. But she is also this, right now. Standing in front of me a whole new someone.