What I Am Learning

All is not calm here in our home. I mean, with three boys it’s never calm, but perhaps a better way to describe it is all is even more chaotic than our usual fare. Sickness, parties, future gatherings and trips to plan for, business travel for my husband…all is crazy on top of chaos.

But among the craziness there was a moment of work, dedication, and peace. My middle loves to create so earlier tonight I paused to watch him. (In between scramblings to find all the tax documents for 2021.) He sorted papers and began to fold. I drew closer.

“Can you help me with this Mom?”

There are a million and a million different other things I’d rather be doing or should be doing than learning how to make a paper airplane. That’s what my husband knows. He’s rather good at it. But there’s a new realization I shared with my husband recently…

I once could do so many things or I was willing to learn – then you came into my life and made my life better, easier. But also, maybe I gave away too much. I can still learn. I can still try.

I knelt down beside my middle and started working with the paper. The instructions were long ago lost so I had a reason to bail.

“Shoot,” I said, “I really don’t know how to make these buddy.”

“You can do it Mom,” he said.

I flipped the paper this way and that. Coaxing a long lost memory of when I most certainly must have learned how to make these?

Nothing came. How silly, I can’t make a paper airplane.

I have recently told my husband our oldest reminds me of me. I get frustrated and more often than not give up. At least, that was me in my youth when it came to something I didn’t want to do – like math.

Here was another moment. Did I have a passion for paper airplanes? No. But looking into the eyes of my son I saw I different motivation, a passion for my children.

“I bet Google knows how!” I said.

“Good idea!”

Wikihow and I got to work. Fold, crease, turn over, fold again. Boom!

“You did it Mom!!”

Phew. I did it!!

“Now how about a paper boat. I’m making a whole crew,” he said.

I wasn’t planning on a boat but okay, we’re moving and grooving. We’ve got this.

I scrolled to find another wikihow and started to fold all over again. Fold, crease, flip, tuck. Fold, crease, turn, tuck. Son of a…

I fell onto my back. Can I call a mulligan? I gave him an airplane. But that isn’t what I want to teach him, is it? Give up when it gets hard?

“It’s okay Mom,” he said, “it sort of looks like a boat.”

I rose back onto my knees and rolled my sore neck.

“I think we can do better,” I said.

Fold, crease, tuck…

My oldest joined us on the floor. He pulled his own papers out and started to fold as well. Upstairs my youngest was playing – not quietly getting into trouble but actually creating – and I took it all in as I folded, creased and tucked my way through my own frustration.

And in that eventual peace I placed a paper boat.

“You did it Mom!” My oldest said.

“I did it!”

“Great Mom!” My middle said, “now onto the watch tower!”